Insanity overtakes

I feel like being staunchly honest right now and I have nothing else than my own blog to spew rubbish on. So here it goes,hope u digest the whole.

College is over and I am currently jobless(in the literal sense) and not at all searching for one. According to myself,I have become one lazy,stubborn girl who ,the whole day, absorbs all life-related complicated novels and then delivers senseless philosophies to the hapless members at home who, listen all with utter disdain.I dont have any current plan to look for a job because I am not in a mood to welcome any change in my life presently. I dont mind even if various adjectives have been tagged to my name,few being unemployed, cynical, frustrated, unsocial, grumpy et all. I dont recieve the phone calls even if I am the only one at home while the phone is ringing because i hate faking answers when relatives ask my future plans. Almost all of my friends have decided what to do in their life and are leaving for their respective destinations and I am grappling against the thought of having to stay without them. My sister avoids talking to me much nowadays because i tend to turn violent at her suddenly, without any prior notice , my weapons being cushions, my cell, tv-remote and sometimes my legs.Recently I have started taking fancy of the hindi soaps in which the heroines fall in love with their heroes and among all odds,get married and re-married ,die and get alive and while all the ups and downs of the girl's life,there is a fixed hero who always supports her. And I keep wishing that someday some man jumps out of that tv screen,holds my hand and takes me far away where Ican smile only when I want,where I don't need to explain others about my career-plans,where my friends never leave me away,where no one measures success with money,where no one hurls responsibilities on me,where i dont need to plan my plans.

Well, now the most important and honest fact is that I can afford to carry on my cynical ways partly because I am an indian girl who will not be questioned by the society even if she choses to be jobless for her whole life and partly because of my naive parents who dont mind tolerating my temporary insanity.

The under-rated dilemma

That fat tantalizing mayonize laden burger once again reared its irresistible head to lure my taste buds. As usual,I re-emerged triumphant with a polite refusal and within seconds it disappeared into some lucky mouth.But I wonder what strong force exists that prompts girls like us to abstain from these scumptuous foodies.If you justify with the trait of ascetism then be ready to face a sarcastic grin.If that was the case then we wouldn't have been trying on fagging just for the sake of knowing how it feels and then returning home late night,traffic being the heavy rescuer from parents' wrath. When a twenty something lady says she is on a diet regime, dont fall in the trap of believing it to be a serious concern for a healthy future.Nothing perturbs her more than her female peers' furrowed eye-brows at her slightly potruded tummy.And the another very obvious reason being her continual attempts to be in the popular list among the opposite genders.And why not it be, for scout through your nearest locality and you will find every average man preferring his prospective consort to be in good shape, at the minimum. It doesn't matter even if he himself is a couch potato.The list of factors does not end here for we cannot risk to ignore the incessantly nagging mothers. Though, a mother's lips won't aquaint you with the real reason for her concerns but deep inside, she is quite worried that once her daughter gains some extra pounds, then and there she loses a good match for her. So next time you find an over-weight spinster refusing to some coveted carbonated drink or any junk food, do lend her a sympathetic attitude instead of coaxing her to gobble on it.

Regretting or Reviving?

I suddenly screamed"mum, i want to become like Sulekha when i grow up". Sulekha was the maid of our house.It always fascinated me how adroitly she cleaned the utensils in a jiffy and how she sat cross-legged,in a corner, enjoying over a cup of tea and a slice of bread. I was six then.

Under the diet of a rich and civilized culture, my dream to be like Sulekha soon faded away.Till what my senses can recall, I one day came all delighted from school,explaining my mum how I scored full marks in an essay on"My Aim in life".Some where some one had told me that I possessed an innate quality of arguing logically and had a good prospect of making it to the world of advocates.His sugary words got so perfectly etched in my mind that they fetched me a
lot of marks in my essay.Thereafter,for quite a long time I naively believed that I was destined to be a lawyear,little knowing about the profession.I was ten then.

It goes back to the times when one of my cousins,being the only doctor in the whole family-line,was the hot topic among the relatives.Having already stepped in the teen age, my mind had started to develop a certain propensity for luxurious necessities and the greed for popularity.It did not take long and I became an aspiring doctor,so much that my kitchen sets got replaced by doctor-sets.Once again,I remained oblivious of what I really wanted or was capable of doing.Fortunately,I soon flunked in my biology exam,which woke me up from my shallow slumber leading me to abandon the idea of becoming a doctor.

Then came the season of being aim-less.Nothing could appeal me for long and I eventually surrendered myself to the mundane routines. I was among the many adolescents who memorised their history lessons daily,practiced algebras till perfection,recited sanskrit shlokas in one breadth,by-hearted the capitals of all the countries and adeptly balanced any chemical equation.It was during this mechanical phase of my life that I began taking an avid interest in penning my thoughts down.I was beginning to realise that perhaps writing was that undeciphered desire which had kept my soul yearning.Perhaps, I could observe the varied nuances of the society and put them in black and white.Perhaps,I could find beauty within every irony, my ears heard.

But as my fate had it,before I could confidently proclaim that writing was my calling,circumstances again drifted me away.I found myself straitjacketed within a pool of brains which were viewing the world through technical eyes and somehow got dragged in,clogging my artistic veins. Since then,it has been a journey amidst the world of technology,provoking me to scale higher and higher in exchange of the promising white collar jobs and a quick life of financial independence.
But, still wondering if ever I can unclogg my deep-buried desire but the mind also fears the dreaded circumstance which can sweep away anything that confronts it's way.It can anytime hypnotise you by luring your gullible senses and by the time you realise,you would have been already devoured by it's enormous appetite.