Regretting or Reviving?

I suddenly screamed"mum, i want to become like Sulekha when i grow up". Sulekha was the maid of our house.It always fascinated me how adroitly she cleaned the utensils in a jiffy and how she sat cross-legged,in a corner, enjoying over a cup of tea and a slice of bread. I was six then.

Under the diet of a rich and civilized culture, my dream to be like Sulekha soon faded away.Till what my senses can recall, I one day came all delighted from school,explaining my mum how I scored full marks in an essay on"My Aim in life".Some where some one had told me that I possessed an innate quality of arguing logically and had a good prospect of making it to the world of advocates.His sugary words got so perfectly etched in my mind that they fetched me a
lot of marks in my essay.Thereafter,for quite a long time I naively believed that I was destined to be a lawyear,little knowing about the profession.I was ten then.

It goes back to the times when one of my cousins,being the only doctor in the whole family-line,was the hot topic among the relatives.Having already stepped in the teen age, my mind had started to develop a certain propensity for luxurious necessities and the greed for popularity.It did not take long and I became an aspiring doctor,so much that my kitchen sets got replaced by doctor-sets.Once again,I remained oblivious of what I really wanted or was capable of doing.Fortunately,I soon flunked in my biology exam,which woke me up from my shallow slumber leading me to abandon the idea of becoming a doctor.

Then came the season of being aim-less.Nothing could appeal me for long and I eventually surrendered myself to the mundane routines. I was among the many adolescents who memorised their history lessons daily,practiced algebras till perfection,recited sanskrit shlokas in one breadth,by-hearted the capitals of all the countries and adeptly balanced any chemical equation.It was during this mechanical phase of my life that I began taking an avid interest in penning my thoughts down.I was beginning to realise that perhaps writing was that undeciphered desire which had kept my soul yearning.Perhaps, I could observe the varied nuances of the society and put them in black and white.Perhaps,I could find beauty within every irony, my ears heard.

But as my fate had it,before I could confidently proclaim that writing was my calling,circumstances again drifted me away.I found myself straitjacketed within a pool of brains which were viewing the world through technical eyes and somehow got dragged in,clogging my artistic veins. Since then,it has been a journey amidst the world of technology,provoking me to scale higher and higher in exchange of the promising white collar jobs and a quick life of financial independence.
But, still wondering if ever I can unclogg my deep-buried desire but the mind also fears the dreaded circumstance which can sweep away anything that confronts it's way.It can anytime hypnotise you by luring your gullible senses and by the time you realise,you would have been already devoured by it's enormous appetite.